Angry

Angry

This is just a little note talking/explaining one of many emotions myself and many of the folks in the IBD community feel.It’s very hard to have a disease that was caused by a defect in a persons genetic make up, a disease we did nothing to get except for being alive, a disease for which there is no cure or explanation, a disease where frequently when you ask your doctor a question they reply with a “I don’t know”.
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Yes I am angry, in fact I’m mad as hell. Why am I angry, well because of all the stuff 
that happens to myself and my friends that have Inflammatory Bowel Disease.What does it do, well first of all IBD is a very painful disease, very painful.There are days that I am so sick and in so much pain that it is a major accomplishment just getting out of bed and dressing ones self. If you make it to work while you are pain you are generally miserable.

I am angry because of the many gross and disgusting things that have happened such as soiling myself, or having to stop along the road to prevent soiling myself. The nausea and puking are just miserable, nausea is a new symptom for me. Then there are the fistulas… A fistula is extremely painful and terribly gross. What they are or in my case,is an abnormal tube that begins in the rectum and comes out elsewhere in the crotch. A fistula drains fecal matter and puss 24 hours a day year round. 

Angry yeppers, I am angry because this disease p aces so many limitations on my life and the lives of my friends with Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis. Limitations caused by uncertainty that I can find a loo quickly enough in public, limitations caused by severe joint pain. Joint pain that greatly impairs things I want to do such as playing my guitar or work my garden.

I’m bitter that I cannot have ice cream, angry that I can’t have salad, frustrated that I can’t eat popcorn or any corn products period. It’s tough to be woke up several times a night with need to go to the toilet or with leg cramps so severe the only way to calm them is to sit in a tub of very hot water. It’s very upsetting when someone say things like”But you don’t look sick” “I wish I could loose weight and eat what I want” “I think it’s all in your head”, “I understand I had the stomach flu/IBS once”. Yes this is a complain session because I’m angry.
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I don’t like the road Crohn’s disease has put me on, it has unleashed the world of auto immune on me and that makes me angry.Since becoming ill with Crohn’s I’ve contracted several other auto immune diseases. I have Crohn’s related RA, enteropathic arthritis,eye problems and most recently Ankylosing Spondylitis. I really hate what Inflammatory Bowel Disease has done and the pain it cause my friends that have it. It is not a fair disease I/we did not ask for it and did nothing to deserve it, so yes I am angry

Josh Robinson
08/09/2013

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3 responses to “Angry

  1. Dear Crohnie man.
    Do you have any siblings? On the hardest days at the hardest times, I remind myself that me having this disease, this burden, means my sister doesn’t. It’s something small, but it really helps me. I couldn’t bear to imagine her suffering the way I do, so please try to focus on the small mercies.
    You do have a right to be angry, but unless being angry changes something, it’s a use of valuable energy that you probably don’t have.
    Wishing you well.

  2. I’m right with you there! Today I’m super angry and super upset. Angry because we are yet to find a cause, least a cure and upset because my ulcerative colitis is not yet going anywhere 😦 I am missing out on so so much of my life and that is a hard pill to take. Today I have done nothing but shed uncontrollable tears! X

  3. Angry here too this disease has certainly made life very hard and seems like nobody’s understands I just cant or if I break a promise of coming by to visit . It has ruined many friendships because they just don’t get it . I feel your anger and hope one day we can all find a better way to deal with this dang ibd because everyday is a struggle or it a day when we may feel ok when we wake then hour later bam i am done for it and all I did was wake up.

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